is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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