R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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