literally had 100 drinks last night.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is classic penis vs brain.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
