I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
