She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
