I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
