Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
