Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
