She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
