I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
