If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
