i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
