I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize