I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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