I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
