someone owes me an orgasm
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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