All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
