shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In America we eat man semen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
