she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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