sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
