Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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