i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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