I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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