the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
zippers are such a cool invention
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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