you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
