Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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