A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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