I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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