So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and she was petting her beer can
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
