Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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