To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
