Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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