my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
