I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
