I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
