omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I looked at my own cervix.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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