I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
