There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
