i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize