So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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