my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
