Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
