I have demons in me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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