my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
