i think i have herpe
just one?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
