Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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