Me too!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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