i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
