...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
