when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
