He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize