What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
