I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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