do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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