Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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