god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no, he came in my armpit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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