What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
