i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
