The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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