Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My feet surprised me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize