i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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