i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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