dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize