My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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