all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
