When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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