Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
