I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
