Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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