i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
