I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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