Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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