youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
