forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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