So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
