These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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