i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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