It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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