Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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