We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
