This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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