I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
